Boy Toys

Logic cannot compete with toys, and my boy has greedily consumed the McDonald's Kool-Aid. After a recent perfect day on his behavior chart at school, I gave him the honor of choosing our dinner destination. On our guilt-ridden ride to McDeath--nothing screams "YOU FAIL AT PARENTING" like serving your kid fast food--the boy readily admitted that he really doesn't like the food; he chose the Golden Arches for the toy surprise. I tried using this nugget of information to save his arteries and general well-being from Chicken McNuggets, but my pleading fell on deaf and frequently infected ears.

So there we were in the pick-up window line (he gets rather upset if you call it a drive-thru, and rightfully so, as you don't really drive thru anything). As we settled in about fifth in line for the privilege of cementing our early demise with greasy processed food, the boy eagerly eyed the display promoting the latest greatest Happy Meal toys, Bakugan Battle Brawlers. I had never heard of such a thing, but the boy assured me that we have seen them on TV and that he has always needed one. The bottom half of the display featured a selection of Build-A-Bear Workshop stuffed animals. After studying the sign for awhile, the boy said, "I like being on top." I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Huh?"

"The boy toys are on top, Dadda."

"Oh."

"Why are the boy toys on top?" he asked.

"Because McDonald's is reinforcing the oppressive patriarchal structure of American culture."

There was a long pause as Silas chewed on that statement. We inched forward one car length. I was thinking about how the boy toys are not only always on top, but they also fuel gender stereotypes. In this case, the boy toys are brawling action figures. Boys are brawling action figures. The girl gets to nurture her little pink bear. A woman's place is...

But then my thoughts were interrupted.

"I think it's OK if Ella is on top sometimes too," he said.

This is Mickey D's idea of an appropriate toy for a four-year-old boy? I'm sure I'll be uttering
the words, "Multi-headed dragons are not real; go back to bed" at 4 in the morning real soon.